Beginning the healing process

Saturday morning I was driving my kids to Bremen to Adam and Kari's house. They were going to watch our kids while I went to the Regional basketball game between Triton and Kouts. I had been in Plymouth that morning to run an errand and was making my way to Bremen from Plymouth via back roads. I was all over the place turning and driving, turning and driving just trying to make it to a road I knew would take me to Bremen. After several turns I found Fir Rd. I have been avoiding this road for the last month. This road was a road I traveled on a lot between Bourbon and Bremen before the accident. I turned onto Fir from 8th Rd. Heading North, it would only be 1 1/2 intersections before I would reach the accident site. As I drove past the place where my brother-in law lost his life I began to cry. I looked into the rear view mirror and saw the In Memory sticker that Kari had made up for all of us. It showed Joel's dates of life and it was then that I realized that Joel would be gone one month on Sunday.

The morning of February 11, 2012, changed our lives forever. Jared's brother, Joel, was killed in a single car crash. This accident impacted our lives so greatly. Those first few days were terribly hard. We began planning for the funeral almost immediately. It seemed as if we were walking through life not realizing what was really happening. The viewing and funeral came and went. So many people came out to give us their condolences. We received lots of love from family, friends and the community. We received phone calls, texts, facebook messages and cards. Everyone has been so understanding and loving. We truely appreciate everyone's thoughts, prayers and kindness.

Jared and I had the hard time of not only trying to work through our own emotions but also our children's emotions. Lilee and Connor were very close to Joel as well. Joel and Brodee came to our house all the time. They ate dinner with us a lot. Sometimes during the week when Joel didn't have class. They ate with us a lot on Sunday afternoons just before packing up to go skating. Joel came over a lot of Saturday nights and ate with us and then fell asleep on our couch. We enjoyed having them over. We enjoyed hanging out with Joel. We had to explain to the kids that Joel was not coming back. That he had died and was in heaven with Jesus. They seemed to get it, but it did not make their healing easy. They talk about him all the time. They ask about him a lot. They wish he was still here with us, just as we do.

Connor asks us to pray about Joel a lot. He asks a lot of questions. Jared decided once Spring gets here we will go and buy a tree and plant it. The kids have decided that it will be Joel's tree. Lilee wants to carve his name in the tree trunk once it gets bigger. I think they understand that Joel is not here anymore. Now I just have to wrap my head around it. I still expect him to walk into church (late). I still expect him to come in the door and sit on my couch. I look at pictures of him all the time and still cannot believe he is gone. Jared doesn't say much, but he did make a comment the other day that he gets a thought in his head and thinks "I'm going to call Joel", and then realizes that he can't. I don't really know what he is thinking because he doesn't talk about it much. I know he is hurting and will continue to hurt for a long time. We all will.

Joel Frederick Stetzel was a wonderful person. He loved everyone. He had such a wonderful personality. He joke with you, but you knew he cared. I miss his infectious smile and laugh. He loved his nieces and nephews as if they were his own. He loved his son more than anything. Joel had struggles, but he never let them get him down. He struggled with addictions, but he knew Christ and had a relationship with Him.

I have pictures of Joel with Lilee, Connor and Rylan. I am planning to get them blown up and put them in frames. I want my children to remember their Uncle. Our newest addition may never know his/her Uncle personally, but he/she will be Joel's namesake. We have decided to use Joel's name for either a boy or girl.

Joel, we love you and miss you greatly!!!! We will see you again one day!

Year end

My older and more organized and much more elloquent Sister gently reminded me that I needed to blog again before the year was over. I had been meaning to do this these last couple weeks, but just kept putting it off. I totally missed November. So, I will give you a brief synopsis of November and then fill you in on our December. Hard to believe that it is almost over and we will start 2012.

Nothing much happened in November that is worth blogging about except our Thanksgiving Extravaganza.

Thanksgiving came and went way too fast if you ask me. Kelly and family and Mark and family were here from Wed-Monday. I enjoyed having them here so much. I didn't want to see them leave, but I am sure they were all ready to get back home after living out of suit cases for that many days.

Dad and Mom took the kids on a hayride. They really enjoyed it. We took a couple pics of all the grandkids with Granny and Papa on the wagon.

The hi-lite of the weekend as far as I was concerned was "Chopped" season 1. Kelly, Mark and I had our own version of The Food Network's show "Chopped". We all brought secret ingredients for a particular course and then were the chef for a different course. We were given more time to think and prepare than they do on the actual show. We followed the basic concept of the show, but made our version our own. I was the chef for the appetizer round and my ingredients were pomegrante, red onion, frozen bread dough rolls and chicken leg quarters. I made a chicken salad with pomegrante vinigarette and home made croutons. Mark was the chef for the main course. His ingredients were tomato soup, oatmeal, egg plant and assorted pork chops. He marinated and grilled the pork chops. Then he breaded the egg plant in the oatmeal and made a mushroom sauce with the tomato soup. It was delicious! Kelly was the chef for the dessert round. Her ingredients were fresh pineapple, brie cheese, phillo dough and honey. She made bundles out of the phillo dough, pineapple, brie and honey. After baking them she drizzled them with a glaze and placed them on top of a melted chocolate. They were yummy! We video taped this event complete with commentary and lots of action footage. The video is totally awesome! I think this was a hit and you should stay tuned for "Chopped" season 2 next year.

Sunday, Kelly and my families went bowling along with Granny. We had a good time. The kids enjoyed it and it gave us something to do. If I am not mistaking, it was the Haven kids first real bowling experience.

DECEMBER

December started off with our Lilee playing the part of Zu Zu Bailey in Triton High School's "It's A Wonderful Life". She did a terrific job. I went to all 3 performances and Jared went to 2. He took Connor skating during the Sunday performance so Connor could have some "Daddy time". Lilee enjoyed being in the play but was glad it was over. It was a long month and a half. She was gone long hours from the house and ready to have more time to do her own thing.

Connor had his Preschool Christmas program where he played the part of the Inn Keeper and then doubled as a Wise Man. He did a great job. Our Wednesday Kid's Night Christmas Musical turned out great. Lilee and Connor were both in it. It was called "Angel Alert". Lilee had a duet with Braxton, the boy who played Joseph. It was adorable. Connor sang and was also a sheep during the Nativity scene.

Our Christmas card this year came from my own creativity. Jared brought home some card board so that I could create Lilee's Christmas tree costume and Connor's Present costume. Rylan played the role of the snowman. Special thanks to Renee Baker for lending me the most adorable Snowman costume.

We spent Christmas Eve at Grandma and Grandpa Stetzel's open house. Grandpa Stetzel was turning 85 and Grandpa and Grandma were celebrating their 63rd wedding anniversary. There were a lot of people there that I had never seen before. We did get to see some family that we don't see very often. I also got to meet a couple of old friends of Jared's from when he lived in Huntington.

Our Christmas Eve service at Church was very well attended. It hasn't been well attended for several years. It was nice to see so many people there. It was also nice to get together even for a short time with fellow Christians and worship God for sending his son Jesus to us to deliver us from our sins.

We finished Christmas Eve with Christmas at Jared's Mom's house. Everyone was there. We got to enjoy some snacks and open presents together. The kids got pj's or clothes and one toy. Jared got a sweatshirt and a pocket knife with a flashlight. We all know how he loves his flashlights. I received a yummy smelling candle and a gift card to Kohls. YAY!! Kohls, here I come!

Christmas 2011 started at 7:15. The kids came in to our room and were excited to open presents. Lilee told me that we needed to remember to read the Christmas story from the Bible before we could open presents. It was so wonderful to hear her say that. They are growing up so fast and it is so great that they are able to understand and treasure the real meaning of Christmas. The kids were very happy with their gifts. Lilee and Connor had mirror gifts. Each received a book, a movie, a DS game, a puzzle and a board type game along with stocking stuffers. Ry Ry got some new baby toys. He was adorable trying to tear open the presents. I think he more enjoyed trying to eat the paper than anything else.

We spent time at Church this morning. It was nice to have a Christmas service with our Church family. We had 101 people there this morning. We don't hit 100 very often. Much to Jordan and my surprise, we had a lot more than expected. I printed less bulletins than usual this weekend because we were doubtful that we would have a very good attendance. We were over-joyed that we had so many people sharing in the Birth of Christ.

The afternoon was spent with my parents. We had a wonderful meal of ham, sweet potato crunch casserole, cauliflower salad, green beans and biscuits. My Grandpa and Grandma Walter had dinner with us. We opened presents and enjoyed a nice afternoon chatting. The kids got some new clothes and fun activities like paints and paper dolls. Connor got a remote control car and Lilee got a new purse. Then as evening drew closer our new friends from church Jeff and Taylor Smith came over. It was nice to see them and share together. They have been attending church for about a year now and they have also joined our small group. We have enjoyed getting to know them. An added bonus is that they are both artists. I am so excited because Jeff said he would be happy to mentor Lilee in her art. We are going to work it out so that he can come to the house give her art lessons. I am so excited because I have been hoping to be able to nurture this talent of hers, but didn't quite know how or know anyone who could teach her.

2011 is coming to a close here in a couple days and I can't believe it. We will be celebrating the New Year with Jared's Brothers and Sister-in-law. As this year comes to a close I am grateful for all the wonderful things that happened this year. We had one exciting 2011. I look forward to 2012 and hope and pray that you all have a wonderful year end and bright beginning to the New Year.

Update

School is under way for both kids and in fact, Lilee just got her first report card for 1st grade. She did wonderful. 3 A's and 1 A+. She is also doing AL (above level) on most everything else that doesn't get a letter grade. There are a few OL (on level) items, but for the most part she is pretty darn smart. Connor is also doing well in Preschool. He has days when he needs to settle down a little and pay attention, but as far as knowing his stuff, he is doing well. The teacher said the other day that she thought he had forgotten a lot of the stuff from last year because he rarely answers the questions in class and doesn't really follow along much during class. But when she tested him he knew everything. She thinks he might be bored and that is partially why he sometimes acts out in class.

Rylan had his 6 mo well child check yesterday. He is doing very well. He is 17 lbs. He hasn't grown in length since his last visit. The doctor is not concerned yet. He wants to see him again at 9 mo and recheck the length. If he still hasn't grown longer at that point he will order some tests. But as of right now, he is chalking it up to human error on the measurements. Otherwise, Rylan is right on track. He is a healthy, happy baby. He holds his own bottle and loves to eat, play and giggle. Now if we could just get the kid to sleep during the night. That would be great!.

We have some little stars here in the Stetzel household. Lilee was selected to play Zu Zu Bailey in Triton High School's play "It's A Wonderful Life". She is beginning practices this week. She is really looking forward to it. She is also playing the part of Mary in our Church's kids musical. This part comes with a duet with the boy playing Joseph, Braxton Wilcox. She is excited about this too.

Connor will have his preschool play and musical in December as well. He selected the part of the Inn Keeper. He is excited because his best friend Jaydon will be playing the part of Joseph and they will get to talk to each other during the play. Silly boys!

We are looking forward to the fall/winter. I just hope it is not as bad of a winter weather wise as they are predicting. We are thinking of making a trip to visit Aunt Kelly and Uncle Erin, plus getting to explore a new state come spring.

Changing bad habits

I have decided recently to try to change some bad habits. I drink entirely too much pop and juice. Actually, I pretty much only drink pop or juice. It is nothing for me to drink a 2 liter of pop in a day. Starting early in the morning. I have been wanting to look better for a while but have not done a thing about it. I eat for no other reason than to eat. Not hungry a lot of the time, but if it sounds good, I have a hard time saying no. I hate exercise, but need to do it. I would rather lay on the couch and watch tv.

So, starting this morning, I am not drinking pop or juice for 60 days. I have also started an exercise program. Jillian Michaels has two dvd's, one is Shape-up Backside and the other is Shape-up Front. They are both hard, but doable. While I do not love these changes, it is time for something. I am going to watch what I eat, but not deny myself since I am already denying myself pop and juice. If I try to do too much too fast, I know I will lose heart and quit it all together. So, I am only doing the workouts 3 times a week. I am setting my goal for 10 lbs. You might say this is a small goal, but I would rather set a smaller goal and surpass it, than to not reach it.

Wish me luck and your encouragement will be greatly appreciated!

Mini Vacation

On Friday, we went on a little mini-vacation. Dad and Mom left their car here and we all drove up to Mishawaka to pick up Jared from work. After picking up Jared, we got on the road to Saginaw, Michigan. We took a somewhat different route since we were leaving from South Bend. We wanted to avoid the toll road so we didn't have to pay the tolls. Jared and I had some difficulties navigating the route. I seemed that we were doing alright until it came time to turn or take an exit. Inevitably when these times would come, I was not paying attention and neither was Jared. I think we ended up missing almost every exit we were suppose to take. Eventually,

we got to the hotel. We stayed at a Super 8 in Saginaw. My Grandma, Uncle John, Aunt Janet, and Cousin Lindsay and her kids were all staying there too.

We went to my cousin Kaleb's wedding while we were there. It was at my Uncle Ken's house. The wedding was on the porch of their home and the reception was in the side yard. It was a very nice, quaint wedding. Kelly, my sister was unable to attend since she is now living in Minnesota, so she joined us by video chat at the reception. The connection was not great, but at

least she got to see some of the family that we do not get to see very often. The food was really good too. Aunt Judy made all the food, it was wonderful.

Kaleb waiting for his Bride. Kaleb and Heidi on Uncle Ken's porch

Lilee dancing with her "Bubby Boy".

Lilee and Connor on Uncle Ken and Aunt Judy's porch

Connor and his new Buddy, Aaron.

Lilee getting her groove on with the Bride Heidi.

I got to spend some time that night back at the hotel catching up with my cousin Lindsay. She has two little boys that are adorable. We sat and chatted for about an hour after everyone else was in bed.

Saturday we all got up and ready for the day. Then we all carpooled to Frankenmuth. My other cousin Aaron went along too. While we were in Frankenmuth, we visited Bronner's Christmas Store. This is a huge store that is filled with an enormous amount of christmas lights, tree ornaments and other christmas decorations and things. There are tons of different santa claus' set up everywhere, along with snowmen and nativity scenes. The store is absolutely huge and it can be sort of like a maze. After spending quite a while in the store, we all carpooled back to the center of town and went to eat at The Bavarian Inn. It was a really neat inside. They had several different rooms to seat people in. We were in the "Family Crest" room. They served several German dishes. Jared, the kids and I all dined on a fried chicken dinner. It came with mashed potatoes and dressing. It was very good. We were stuffed afterwards.

Connor looking into the telescope at Bronner's

Lilee and Connor in front of Bronner's

Lilee in front of the Bavarian Inn

We did a little shopping around Frankenmuth after lunch. It was hot and sunny so we went into several stores just to cool off. We went into a store called The Funky Skunk. We got the kids slap bracelets. They thought they were really cool. It brought back memories of elementary school in the 80's. Cheap gift, but they didn't care. Shortly after that

we decided it was time to head home.

We drove home the same route as on the way there, but with no hiccups. We didn't miss a single turn or exit. We stopped for dinner at Wendy's and made it home around 9:30. It was a nice little get away. I am all unpacked and ready for the next little adventure.

Thursday, September 1, 2011

I went to the doctor today to get her opinion on a couple of moles. She decided to take 3 off, one on my tummy, and two on my back. I have to go back in a week to get the stitches out and get the pathology report. I asked her how worried she was about them. She said on a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being very worried, she was a 3. This makes me feel better, but still will be glad to get to next Thursday and know for sure. I am a worry wart and it will bother me all week.

Tonight is girls night with my very best friend Maggie. We have a lot of episodes to watch of Hell's Kitchen, so I am hoping her computer is working and the website is running smoothly. Last week we were suppose to watch 3 episodes and we were only able to watch one because something was wrong with the internet connection. So now this week we are 5 episodes behind.

It is my turn to bring food, so this afternoon, I am getting everything ready to go. We will be dining on, cucumber and avocado tea sandwiches, warm, layered bruschetta, pesto dip with triscuit crackers, and blueberry soup. I am every excited to try all these recipes.

We got Lilee a nintendo DS and a Littlest Pet Shop game for her birthday. We decided to give it to her early since we will be traveling this weekend. That way her and Connor can both play with their DS's on the trip. She will be excited, although, I think she already knows she is getting one. She caught me looking at them on ebay a couple weeks ago. Oh well, that is what she wants anyways.

I have lots to do yet today, so I better get working on it. I need to finish preparing the food for tonight, work on the church newsletter so I can print it this afternoon. I also need to finish packing. I guess I should get off the computer so I can get it all done. I hope everyone has a safe and fun Labor Day Weekend.

The Weekend

The weekend always goes by way too fast. We really didn't do anything that exciting. I was suppose to go to my cousins baby shower on Saturday. But Jared had to work and I didn't have anyone to watch the boys. So, my Mom took Lilee and went without me. Rylan had had a runny nose on Friday and started in with a cough on Saturday, so I decided it was best to keep him home anyway.

Lilee and Mom ended up coming home early because Lilee pooped her pants. Seriously, my almost 7 year old pooped her pants. She still struggles with her bowels and wetting the bed at night. I am assuming this is because of her being a premie, but I don't know. She learned from a very early age that going poop hurt. She would hold it in for days upon days until it was huge and hurt to go. We had to give her glycerin supositories when she was an infant to get her to go. We did this daily for a while. The doctor said that giving them to her daily was more important because she would go than to worry about her becoming dependant on them. She would hold onto the poop until she couldn't hold on to it anymore and than she would try her hardest not to go. She would scream and cry because it hurt to go. It was very emotional for her and us because we knew she needed to go, but to see her go through that was hard. She continues to have relapses with this. She goes months with no problem and then all of the sudden she starts staining her underware because she is trying not to poop. It is very frustrating to us as parents. We don't want our 7 year old pooping her pants, but at the same time, she can't help it. I mean, she can help it, she should just go to the bathroom when she needs to go, but I really think it is a psychological problem for her. Sort of like a mental block. I don't know really.

Anyways, back to the weekend. Saturday night I had the opportunity to hang out with one of my friends from high school. Lizzy came over in the afternoon to let me know she was in town and that if I wanted we should get together. I was very excited because, I always tell my friends that have moved away that when they are in town to let me know. It was such a nice time hanging out and catching up on each others lives, and reminiscing about the past. I so much enjoy seeing my high school friends. If any of you are reading this and want to get together sometime let me know.

Sunday morning we had a great service. The worship service was a little different, but it was nice. After church, Jared grilled out bbq chicken legs and we had some corn on the cob. It was really good. Afterwards, Jared got the bike tires pumped up and we went for a walk/bike ride. I put Rylan in the stroller and we walked while Lilee rode her bike and Jared took Connor on the back of his. It was nice to get out. The weather was wonderful. We let the big kids play at the park for a bit. They really enjoyed that.

I decided to walk outside around 7:30 and noticed that the porch and back yard needed a little sprucing up. So, I spent about an hour and a half cleaning it up and organizing the toys, bikes and things on the porch. They had been all over the yard. What is it about kids that they get things out, but don't know how to put them away? Anyways, while I was doing this I noticed that some of my lily bulbs were pulled up. I don't know if this was the boys (Connor and Jaydon), or what. I decided to clean up my lily flower bed. I cut off the stalks and pulled the weekds. It looks so much better. But, there are a lot of bulbs that need re-planted. There were a lot of them that were exposed, not pulled out, but close to the surface, so I pulled them up and need to re-plant them. I needed to move some around anyways, because I had bare spots and spots that had tons of them all in one spot. So, that is a project for another time.

We finished out the evening by feeding Rylan his last bottle and cereal while watching season 2 of Top Shot on Netflix. Got to bed around 11:30. I can't seem to get to bed any earlier, no matter how hard I try.